Tangled
by Rosalie Beckett
Summary: Two other souls involved- at risk of sinking into her personal Hell with her. The thing's she's done are way too shameful. AU. HGPP/HGHP.
1. Chapter 1

**1. SHELL**

First, the hysteria. Then, the numbness. She couldn't take the fucking numbness.

That she could go from feeling like the entire bloody world was ending to absolute nothing shook her to her core.

She couldn't even feel the tears that coursed down her cheeks; never-ending.

Nothing.

Fuck.

How could she possibly tell him what she had done?

Shameful.

The sick that sat in the bottom of her stomach, taunting her because there was nothing she could possibly do to make it go away, threatened to boil over.

What would she tell her? She wanted to start a real relationship with her, start a family. Merlin.

Two other souls involved- at risk of sinking into her personal Hell with her.

She wondered if it would be too much to simply slip away and just... Go. Peacefully.

No, God would never let her off that easily.

Hermione had no idea how she even got caught up in the mess to begin with. The other girl was a Slytherin, her boyfriend was a Gryffindor. It was chaos and madness and no one would ever possibly believe her if she told them what was going on.

She was cheating on the Boy Who Lived, the Saviour of the Wizarding World with a Pureblood.

Pansy Parkinson was like no one else and she made Hermione's blood race and heart swell. But that was still no fucking excuse to cheat on Harry after he had been so unbelievably good to her. He did nothing to deserve her dishonesty and infidelity. However, it still didn't stop her from sneaking around.

Hermione removed her shirt quickly, throwing it across the room into the hamper as soon as she got into her dorms. If anyone got a whiff of Pansy's perfume she would be doomed: everyone knew what Pansy smelled like.

She could still taste her. She remembered how she smelled of honeyed pear and cigarettes. It was all too familiar and comforting.

She wiped away the tears that lingered hastily and shrugged on a clean set of robes. She wouldn't let Harry see her crying, he would ask too many questions. Pansy had given her this newfound shell that she could put on whenever she needed to. How very Slytherin of her. She wasn't the bookworm she used to be since Pansy. She didn't know what she had become.

Harry was waiting at the bottom of the stairs, faithful and smiling, his eyes sparkling. They had been together for a few months now, even though it had seemed like longer. He claimed he loved her more than anything and she complied because she didn't want to be alone. Ron had Luna so why couldn't she have someone as well?

His kiss was rough and ragged, the complete opposite to Pansy's. Her body was soft and voluptuous, while Harry's was muscular.

It reminded her that just an hour before the two girls had been entangled in green bed sheets.

"Hi, Harry." She said as cheerfully as she could as he led her out of the portrait hole and down the stairs to dinner.

"How was studying?" Harry asked, clutching her close to him.

Hermione's stomach did flip flops. "It was fine, the usual."

"I, er, got a detention tonight." He said sheepishly, looking up at her from his thick lashes.

"How?" she sighed.

"Fighting with Malfoy. I swear he started it though."

"Harry. How many times has this happened before? It's not worth it." Hermione shook her head.

At least she wouldn't have to make up an excuse not to see Pansy; they could be together effortlessly.

"I have it with Filch, wonderful right?" he grimaced as they made their way into the Great Hall.

"You'll be gone all night."

"I know, I'm sorry, love."

"Potter, what the fuck were you thinking getting me a detention?" Malfoy's voice called from behind them.

Before they even had to turn around Hermione could sense Pansy with him. She didn't want to deal with this; she didn't want to deal with this.

Pansy took Hermione's breath away. She had certainly grown out of looking like a pug and was undoubtedly stunning. Dammit, why did she have to show up now, in front of Harry?

"If you could shut your arse, Malfoy, we wouldn't have it!"

She turned to him. "What did he say?"

"Just called you a Mudblood. Nothing new, dunno why he got so upset." Malfoy answered for Harry nonchalantly.

Hermione saw Pansy's eyes narrow in anger at him for a split second, then turn to ice again. "Oh, Harry. You know that's nothing worth a detention. Come on, we're going to be late."

"That's right; keep him on a short leash there, Mudblood."

"Try not to kill him tonight." She said calmly as they sat down next to Ron and Ginny at the table.

"No promises."

She pushed her food around on her plate, pretending to pay attention to it. Her focus was on the dark haired witch that sat too far away from her for her comfort. It was ridiculous that she missed her already. She longed for her touch and longed to touch.

Even after just a few months of spending sleepless nights together they were unable to stay away.

Hermione knew she would only have a short time frame to get to the Owlery and then back to the Room of Requirement to meet Pansy.

"I've got to get going. I love you, 'Mione." Harry kissed her lightly on the lips and left with Malfoy trailing behind him slowly.

She looked over at Pansy one last time before making her way up to write her a short note.

_P, ___

_Meet me. ___

_Love, ___

_H._

There was no way that Pansy would ever refuse Hermione, she could guarantee that.

She needed her more than Hermione did.

Hermione perched on the bed that the room had transfigured for her, waiting for Pansy apprehensively. She was late. She was never late.

"Babe, I'm sorry. Greengrass kept trying to get me to work on her Potions homework with her."

Pansy was already halfway across the room, tie off and skirt halfway down her thighs. Hermione took a sharp breath in, undoing her own.

"Make it up to me." she whispered as Pansy closed the distance.

Their lips touched and she moaned in response.

Heat spread throughout her body as they melted into one as they had so many times before. The completion Hermione felt was amazing, giving up her entire soul to the girl, letting it flow through each kiss.

The love was undeniable and unlike anything.

It ended too soon. The departure being the hardest part of the entire part of their relationship.

She walked up the stairs, putting back up the shell that was so familiar, and let it consume her.

Fuck.

It was so lonely there in her shell.

She let her self hatred take over- the only thing that would keep their secret from coming out.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. LIES**

Hermione traced the pattern on her arm out of habit, wishing it was Pansy's, not her own.

She had a scar on her upper arm that Hermione had gotten used to playing with while laying in bed together. She wouldn't tell her how or why it got the interesting shape of a heart, but she kept trying to find out.

That no one had found out yet about their relationship was a complete and utter shock only to Hermione it seemed. She herself was never one to be good at keeping secrets. Her luck was amazing.

Pansy was nothing like Malfoy, contrary to popular belief. She was more loving than anyone Hermione had ever met. Except when it came to having to keep up appearances.

"Hey, Mudblood! Off for some more inbreeding with Pothead and Weasel?" Pansy catcalled as Hermione left the library, like every night at eight o'clock, while Malfoy and whoever else she didn't bother paying attention to laughed in response.

"How cute, Parkinson's trying to think." She replied, smiling sweetly at them and then taking to the stair.

"Good one, Granger. Too bad you don't have anyone here to back you up." Malfoy smirked as they began to advance on her.

"I'm terrified." She stifled a yawn. "Go back to your Common Room."

"You should watch who you think you're talking to like that, Mudblood. I'm going to take a bath, Draco. I'll be back later." Pansy kissed him on the cheek and made her way in front of Hermione. She could swear she saw her wink.

"What are you thinking walking around here alone this late at night?" Pansy hissed at her as they walked of sight to the next floor.

"I do this every night without you, thank you very much." She replied, pulling her into the Prefects bathroom. "So did you really need a bath, or did you just want to see me?"

Pansy smiled and kissed her forehead. "Just you. It's been ages since I've seen you."

"We spent lunch together."

"I need you, so sue me."

"Isn't _Draco_ going to miss you dearly?" Hermione laughed, stripping off her clothes slowly, making her way into the piping hot water.

"I'm quite sure he'll manage. What about Potter?" Pansy matched her movements and pulled her close to her.

"He and Ron are busy studying due to my constant nagging. We have at least an hour." With that she captured her lips and all thoughts of the men that drove her insane were gone.

What she felt for Pansy wasn't anything that she believed could be humanly possible. There was passion and love all wrapped in one, _and_ it was healthy. She wasn't used to that.

With Viktor there had been passion, but he had been cruel and never loved her. With Harry there was love and no sparks.

But Pansy... she was completely different. She loved and lusted for her. Could this be real? Hermione didn't deserve her. Absolutely, positively didn't deserve her at all.

They sat in the bath, Hermione between Pansy's thighs, quietly enjoying the other's company.

"When are you going to tell him?" Pansy broke the silence that Hermione had been cherishing between them.

"Pansy." She sighed. She wouldn't let her ruin the last couple minutes they had together. "Please. Not now."

She turned around and pulled Pansy's face to her own. "I love you."

Pansy was silent but returned the kiss full force.

If she had it her way the entire school would know and they wouldn't have to hide in secrecy. Hermione was the one that was asha- no- not ashamed. She was just. Afraid. Fuck. Of course she was afraid. The Dark Lord would kill them both. Pansy was a blood traitor. To be honest, Potter and Weasley would probably be more of a force to reckon with than her Lord. But Hermione didn't need to know about her commitment-

"Pansy?"

"You have to get back now." She said roughly, getting out of the bath and pulling on her robes.

"Please don't do this." Hermione grabbed her hand as Pansy made for the door.

"I'm not doing anything. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, too." She kissed her softly and nipped Hermione's plump bottom lip, and slipped out of the bathroom.

Hermione swallowed back a sob and dressed herself. What the fucking Hell had that been? What had she done this time to piss her off? It was always something.

The stairs seemed to have multiplied and her legs turned to jelly as she made her way to her boys.

Harry and Ron were waiting in the Common Room for her, talking in hushed voices. They looked relieved to see her as she sat down and spread her books and assorted parchments around them.

"You've been gone awfully long. We found out what Malfoy's been up to." Ron said, looking around to see if anyone was watching.

"What did you find out?" she asked, keeping her head down after giving Harry a quick kiss.

"He's supposed to be getting the Mark soon. As is Parkinson, Goyle, Crabbe, and Zabini." Harry replied softly, looking over the Marauder's Map.

Pansy flashed through her mind and she had to bite her lip from gasping. What if they had seen- oh, shit.

"How do you know all this?" Parkinson. It couldn't be true. Pansy would have told her if her father wanted her to become... she couldn't even say it.

"We used the cloak earlier. Parkinson was terribly excited about it." Ron explained. "We're going to Dumbledore about it tomorrow."

Hermione shook her head in approval. "Good. I'm going to bed."

They said their good nights and made their way up to their separate dorms.

She sat down, her blood boiling because of the black haired girl she loved more than anything, but not in the usual good way. She picked up a quill and jotted down a sloppy note as she had so many times before.

_P, _

_What the fuck are you keeping from me?_

_H. _

If Pansy thought that they had had problems before, that had been nothing until fucking now.

If Pansy thought that Hermione would still believe that she loved her, she was sadly mistaken.

_A/N: So I think this is set after OOTP, HBP and DH never happened. I've never been very good at writing anything other than one-shots, so bear with me. Your comments would be lovely. I promise things will be getting better. =] I hope you'll enjoy. _


	3. Chapter 3

**3. AW, SUGAR**

Pansy couldn't breathe.

Hermione couldn't possibly know. How could she know?

Fucking shit.

This wasn't happening; this wasn't happening.

She felt the hysteria creeping into her. She knew Hermione. There would be no way to console her- no way to possibly make up an excuse that she would believe. She was too smart for that. Her smart little Gryffindor.

Pansy sat in class, constantly closing her fingers around the note that had kept her up all night.

How was she supposed to know what a character number was and why did she care? Ah, that was the homework from last night that she had forgotten to write down. Arithmancy was a stupid class anyway that made no sense to her in the place. Her nails were more interesting than the lecture they were having now.

She could be doing something actually productive. Like maybe trying to fix things with Hermione. That was number one on her priority list.

She didn't even really know what she liked about the know-it-all in the first place so why was she trying so hard to make things right? Hermione could be quite jealous when she wanted to be and she wasn't that pretty. But when she was passionate about something there was a fire in her eyes that no one could ignore.

There was no way she could ever escape the Dark Lord. To her father it was that or death; it would bring shame to the "noble" name of Parkinson to refuse such a powerful wizard. She didn't understand what was so great about him to be honest. Her own father could be a better leader than some Riddle. Ha, she could imagine how deliciously furious the other Death Eaters would be at her outrageous statements.

But if there was no way to go over to Dumbledore and no way to leave Voldemort... What other option was there except death? She would bother with those thoughts later.

Now, how to convince her bushy haired love that everything would be all right when she didn't even believe that herself?

__

Hermione wrote furiously during Professor McGonagall's lecture. It was all she could do not to go and find Pansy and take matters into her own hands.

When she and the boys had gone to see Dumbledore he had calmly told them that he knew and it was being _handled_. Bullshit, if she was supposed to sit back and let Pansy do something like that. Dumbledore saying he was _taking care of things_ usually meant trouble.

She wanted to snatch Pansy up by her silky black hair, drag her into the nearest abandoned classroom, and lock her there until she changed her mind about signing her name to Voldemort. She wanted to scream.

If Pansy were to get the Mark they would officially be on different sides... and Hermione didn't want to accept this. It was always in the back of her mind, nagging, but she chose to ignore it for the time being.

She couldn't let her do it. She couldn't let her sign her own death wish.

It wasn't fair. "Life isn't fair." Blah, fuck it all to Hell and back again.

"Hermione? Come on." Ron pulled on her shoulder gently.

She looked up, her curls flying around her wildly, her eyes shining with tears. "Yeah, I'm coming."

He grabbed her arm while Harry held on to her hand as they struggled to keep her upright.

"What's wrong with her?" Lavender asked nosily in the corridor as they attracted more and more of a crowd.

"She's smarter than all of you and works herself into the ground that's what's wrong." Ron snapped.

Hermione looked over her shoulder. Pansy was leaning against the wall, arms folded across her chest. Only she would know that it wasn't homework she was crying about.

Her world was collapsing.

She wanted to hold Pansy's hand more than anything.

__

Why Hermione was meeting Pansy she didn't know.

She had gone from feeling so absolutely sick that she had betrayed her to feeling nothing but pure rage.

But when Hermione looked into those amber eyes she didn't know what else to do but completely break down.

"Let go, babe. It's okay. I'm here, I've got you. I'll never let go. Let the pain make it all better."

Pansy let Hermione cry. Let her hold on to the pain because it was the only thing that was real for the moment.

And the soft, warm love that she craved embraced her and she felt safe.

_A/N: There wasn't much more to say. I promise there will be much more than a filler. I just wanted to show more of what they were thinking about each other I suppose. Thanks for reading! _


	4. Chapter 4

**4. WHO KNEW?**

"I have the tendency of getting very physical,

so watch your step cause if I do you'll need a miracle."

-_Harder to Breathe_, Maroon 5

She looked up at Draco as her mother bowed beneath Lord Voldemort, kissing his robes as if he was some sort of _God_. Anger ripped through her and his eyes flashed to hers in warning.

Pansy's role was to screech and be Draco's trophy, nothing more. And she certainly couldn't have an opinion about something like the Dark Lord. No matter how ridiculous the act was of plotting to kill Harry Potter- she wasn't to voice her opinion. Though she hated him, she would never wish him dead. That would kill Hermione and she doubted she could live with herself if it happened.

In a world where Voldemort reined Hermione would be a slave, if not killed first. It was unlikely that she would be killed- she was too powerful and knew too much to be wasted. But a slave? That would be such a waste as well. How dreadful.

She would do this to save herself, Hermione, her family.

It was her turn to meet her fate and her legs were like lead. She felt all eyes on her as she stepped up to the shell of a man that made her want to cringe.

"Your loyalty is most appreciated, Miss Parkinson." Voldemort hissed and she copied her mother's actions.

"Of course, my Lord. Anything for you." Pansy whispered so only he could hear, exposing the soft, pale flesh that he sought. She vaguely remembered Hermione kissing this sensitive spot on her before.

He touched his wand to her forearm and a white-hot pain seared through her.

The feeling was like no other.

It was as though the skin was being pulled off.

She was numb. But not the usual comfortable numb. She didn't have control.

She wanted to vomit. She wanted to die.

Her skin was crawling. Her mouth was dry. She had a mixture of fire in her throat and cotton mouth.

She wanted to sleep. Sleep sounded wonderful.

She couldn't get over the tingling. The tingling was going to kill her.

The shaking.

She had never felt anything like this. She wanted to die. She wanted someone to kill her.

Hermione would never forgive her. Oh, God, what had she done?

__

Pansy had gotten the Mark.

Harry and Ron had been very eager to tell her. They hadn't been given any verbal confirmation yet but had seen Malfoy and his cronies rubbing their arms unconsciously.

Hermione had thought she would have been able to feel it when it happened, but she hadn't. It had happened right under her fucking nose. Dumbledore hadn't done anything to stop it. He had given her permission to leave the castle. He had proven yet again to be a horrible liar when he wanted to be.

She wondered if he knew about the affair and that was why he let it happen. Maybe somewhere in that messed up head of his he believed it would be for the greater good to give up on Pansy and Malfoy and everyone? Maybe Dumbledore knew when the time was right to move on to things that weren't lost causes? Was she a lost cause?

_If_ her entire loyalty was to the side of the Light and to Harry, she would try to get all the information she could out of Pansy. However she felt no inclination in the slightest to do so. Hermione could ask when Voldemort planned to attack and who was involved and anything she wanted. But she couldn't bring herself to _want_ to use Pansy in that way; she didn't like having that kind of power.

Hermione looked around the library; as usual looking for some sort of sign that Pansy was there, trying to find her.

A million things were running in her mind.

There was a tap on the table. Her head shot up and she felt a sinking in the pit of her stomach.

"I know what you did." Hermione told her, staring past her head at a particularly happy couple studying a few tables away.

"I knew you would soon enough. Can we talk, please?"

She got up silently and made her way through the library getting stares from everyone around them as Pansy followed behind.

Their favourite classroom was empty.

Hermione stared at Pansy. She tried to hold back the tears that threatened to betray her. She grabbed Pansy's arm roughly and pushed back the sleeve, ignoring the wince in response.

The Dark Mark stood pronounced on her beautiful pale skin and it made Hermione sick.

She remained silent.

"Talk to me. Tell me how you're feeling. Please. Something." Pansy pleaded, reaching towards her.

"I'm so tired of being so angry and desperate. It's draining. I hate having to focus all my energy on people who don't think I'm worth anything to them. But you did this." At this she took a deep breath and looked up into her eyes. "You did this, not me. I'm so angry all the time I can't take it anymore. I'm so extremely tired I feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't keep sneaking around, lying to everyone. I can't do this anymore, Pansy. You made my choice for me the second you got that Mark."

The expression on Pansy's face couldn't have been worse if you had hit her with the Cruciatus Curse. "So because I didn't want to die, I get kicked to the curb. After being second best for years, you fucking bitch, because I do what's best for me you do this?"

"Apparently." she whispered.

"Fuck you." Pansy spat, tears spilling onto her robes.

Hermione sank to the floor as Pansy walked swiftly out of the room, not looking back. All she did was watch and she felt her heart rip out of her chest.

Even though it was her fault that she let this happen, a little voice in the back of her head still blamed _Dumbledore_. 


	5. Chapter 5

**5. HAHA, HEHE **

Sleep was the only thing that made living bearable. If you could even call what Hermione was doing living.

She couldn't remember when she last attended class, though Harry and Ron made sure to get her homework to her. Her parents were notified and her teachers were furious, but she gave a rat's arse about them. This new "home and hospital" thing she had going for her was working.

They would try to bribe Lavender and Parvati to go up to the dorm and get her out of bed. It had failed to work. They constantly tried to remind her that she need to eat, and quite possibly get some fresh air because that's what people did, but she insisted that staying in her bed was where she wanted to be for most likely the rest of her life.

It was a miracle that she was even speaking to them, the girls had reminded Harry and Ron, which they answered with muffled grunts. Lavender suggested that it was just that time of the month, she was having a particularly bad one and that they probably didn't want to see her anyway.

Hermione laughed at that. She _wished_ that that was all that was wrong. Silly, petty things that she was used to hearing other people whining over (that she felt herself, but would never tell anyone) were so far gone now and it made her want to cry. Though that was almost all she did when no one was around.

The dorms were the only place that she could really hide from it all and feel safe. There she didn't have to worry about putting up walls or shells. She didn't have to lie to herself when she was alone. When she was alone she could suffer in peace and accept the consequences for her shameful actions. She was the last person who would ever deserve pity, so why would she flaunt it?

Her plan was to try and sleep until everyone forgot she had ever existed

__

Harry didn't know what to do about Hermione. She wouldn't tell anyone exactly what was wrong and he thought they could always be honest with each other about that sort of thing.

She had always been secretive about her feelings but this was simply absurd. He was her boyfriend and Merlin help him if he wouldn't find out what was wrong with her.

He had a feeling that something was deeply wrong with her; something not exactly physical as she claimed. He didn't know what he was going to do if she stayed in the state she was in. She infected him in every way possible, giving her emotions to him, even if she didn't know it. He was going to crack if she didn't let up.

But bloody Hell she just didn't seem to love him anymore. She was always running off to bathe or study at odd hours and this sudden outburst just added to his suspicion.

They also hadn't slept together in months. Harry tried to come up with every excuse in the book as to why she wouldn't have sex with him, but there was only one logical answer: she wasn't attracted to him in that way. It was just the law of attraction and there was no way to force something that wasn't there. His pride couldn't hurt more. But he loved her more than life itself and there was no way that he wouldn't try to work things out with her.

Hermione made him feel differently than any other girl ever had. She knew him better than he knew himself and he always guessed that that just made things easier. She and Ron had been expected to end up together but the thought made him absolutely sick. She was his and only his.

__

She looked up at him with a mixed look of anger and awful sadness that made him wince but he insisted on having her get out of bed and take a walk around the grounds, with a promise of a new book. She hissed as the sun hit her face and even though she was "ill" Harry thought she still looked radiant.

"You hate me." She grumbled, digging her nails into his arm to hold herself up as they began their trek.

He had the audacity to laugh! "Some fresh air will do you some good, love. You can't stay locked up forever."

"Watch me."

Harry's smile didn't falter once.

Fuck.

Dammit, she wanted him to hate her. It would make everything so much easier because then... well to be frank she wouldn't be the bad guy and that was what she was in the first place.

They walked around the lake twice. He looked at her adoringly and it completely shattered her.

Hermione didn't know what to say to him or how to tell him everything that had been going on even though this would have been the best opportunity. She wondered what he would say to her when she told him; she wanted to see the reactions dance across his face. That couldn't be healthy.

She wondered if he would hit her, if he would scream at her. She didn't know what he would do and honestly, it scared her. When Harry was upset even the littlest thing could send him off the handle.

He led her back to Gryffindor Tower, finally giving in to her constant moans about how she could be doing things more important like sleeping or finishing homework. She wasn't even going to mention that there had been no new book involved in his devious plan to lure her out of her room.

There was no one around to see him give her a nudge, motioning towards the Seventh Year boy's dormitory instead of her own, causing her to frown. That couldn't possibly be all he had been thinking about the entire time? Did he really think that _this_ was the most appropriate time to try to get her in to bed with him? Kick her while she was down?

Hermione looked around and sighed. It was unfair to him, obviously, to keep doing this and it _had_ been a couple of months since the last time they had done anything... A couple of months as in four to be exact. Why he stayed with her she didn't really know. His hormones had to be driving him crazy by now, if he wasn't cheating on her. She couldn't really blame him though if he was. It was horrible to even think, but it was the truth.

He kissed her and Pansy's face flashed through her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out the image that haunted her, but it seemed to like to tease her. She felt like a whore and by focusing only on the pain that coursed through her veins, she managed to slip off both of their robes and cast numerous charms so they wouldn't be found out.

It was embarrassing to be seen naked by him again. It was outright terrifying. With Pansy it came naturally, and Harry was so forced it made her want to just give up. She hoped that he couldn't feel the tension that he brought with each stroke of his hand.

She tasted Pansy.

He seemed to be enjoying himself and that was all that really mattered.

She hated herself.

He could have his release while she would sink back into a hole of self loathing that was the only thing that could keep her alive.

__

They had been laying there for forever it seemed. Hermione tried to snuggle up to his back, but she deemed the task impossible.

Harry had lasted mere _seconds_, the epitome of a school boy and now he wouldn't speak to her, as if his flop was _her_ fault.

"Is there someone else?" his voice cracked. The epiphany. Maybe he wasn't stupid after all.

"No, of course not." She did her best to sound outraged.

"That has to be why you've been acting this way. I don't know what else it would be." He ran his hand through his hair. "I can't believe you anymore. Why else would you be so upset if not over someone else? I plan on paying more attention to you now. Know that."

Harry got out of bed, pulled on his clothes and left her there.

The guilt toppled down on to her shoulders and she felt putrid. She knew that she had no reason to be trusted, but the fact that he didn't tore her to pieces.

She wanted Pansy. She wanted sleep.

Hermione wanted to sink away, but first, she was going to kill Lord Voldemort for ever coming up with the idea of branding someone with a fucking mark like cattle.

_A/N: I thought I would update sooner than I planned because I love seeing so many people read this! I'm flattered. I'm actually very proud of this chapter, I hope you all like it. And you got a taste for what Harry was feeling as well. Your reviews would be lovely. =] _


	6. Chapter 6

**6. BARBIES AND KENS**

Pansy knew what silence meant from Hermione.

She had heard that the bookworm hadn't wanted to come out of her room for anything and that was why she had missed class. _It wasn't her fault_, she constantly found herself saying. If Hermione wanted to sulk and be a baby about everything she damn well could be.

But she couldn't get her off her mind. Hermione's eyes, lips, hands were all Pansy could think about, it was all she saw every time she closed her eyes.

The shooting pain she felt near her heart whenever she thought about the person who really completed and understood her was becoming horridly distracting and exasperating. She wished it would just go away. She was tired of feeling guilty.

Her potion bubbled a sparkly blue as she stirred it absentmindedly. The class's murmurs reverberated off of the stone walls, comforting her in some way. Snape seemed to be in a fine mood and wasn't saying much about the talking, much to her relief. Pansy ignored her partner however.

She could see Hermione helping Longbottom, being a wonderful friend as usual. Hermione had _finally_ made it back to class in fear of failing. Her hair was drawn back into a braid on her neck that made her look more elegant than she was or ever could be. Her eyes were excited with a new project to be held. She was beautiful.

As Pansy continued to stare, Hermione turned to look at her, flushing as Neville put in the wrong ingredient and Snape barked an order at him. So maybe he hadn't been in the best mood after all. The pink in her cheeks was absolutely adorable and it made Pansy's hands sweat. Her heart swelled that Hermione was finally feeling okay again, even if it was just on the outside.

Snape had them leave their vials on his desk and dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

Pansy pulled her robes around herself tighter as Draco put his arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him and forced one of her flirtatious smiles on him. He kissed her forehead, more lovingly than he ever had before. It was surprising. She looked up at him and pulled his hand into her own.

__

Hermione's pulse quickened at the sight of Pansy and Draco. Her face was hard as she watched them walk off together as if they were some sort of couple. She knew for a fact that Pansy hated Draco, entirely couldn't stand him, so why was she acting like she loved him all of the sudden?

It wasn't as if she should care, anyway. She had been the one to end everything they had between them. But she didn't want it to be that way anymore. She wanted to be able to owl Pansy whenever she needed someone to hold her as she cried, she wanted to be able to tell Pansy she loved her whenever she fucking felt like it, not only in her dreams.

Pansy seemed so happy. Maybe that was what hurt the most. That she and Draco looked completely perfect together hurt her more than she thought it would. The two girls looked good together, didn't they? Pansy's beauty made up for whatever Hermione lacked, of course, but they just fit together. But Draco could give her a real family and a real life that didn't consist of late night trips to the Prefects bathroom worrying about getting caught.

Hermione needed Pansy back. She would grovel, beg, whatever it took. She needed her love. She needed the reassurance that she wasn't alone. Pansy would tell her that she was indeed a whole person with or without her.

If Pansy would take her back despite everything that was said between them, then she would find a way to tell Harry. She would. She promised herself she would. Pansy deserved so much more than what she had been given before.

She wanted to know if the Mark hurt her at all, if it made her struggle to breathe like it made Hermione, even though she wasn't the one who had it on her arm. Hermione supposed it would be hard at seventeen to carry such a horrible burden as that without someone judging her in the process. Fuck, she had done a really awful thing to Pansy. Pansy had no reason whatsoever to forgive her, she knew that.

Hermione thought it would have been for the best, never expecting the plan to backfire and end up making everything ten time worse. She wondered if Pansy hated her. She wanted to know if Pansy missed her as much as she did.

Dammit, she wanted to run her fingers through Pansy's hair. She could picture it. She could smell the honeyed pair and cigarettes. Hermione would even get off of her case about smoking if she just took her back. She was pathetic and it made her sick to feel that way but she planned on using any method of pleading she could. It was important.

She hadn't written to Pansy in a long, long time so she wasn't quite sure what to write when she found herself at the Owlery.

She had expected the trip to come naturally to her like it always had before. Just a simple "meet me" or just an "I love you" because she wanted to make Pansy smile. The words didn't seem to want to flow as easily now.

Hermione sucked in a big breath of air.

_Pansy,_

_Halloween is coming up. I was wondering if after all the festivities we could meet at the usual spot. _

She scratched that out. What the Hell, words of fluff and love had always come so naturally to her and now she couldn't even ask her to meet her anywhere.

_P, _

_Meet me. _

_Love,_

_H. _

Hermione hoped that would be enough.

__

It was hard to keep the note away from Draco, but Pansy had managed somehow.

She stopped breathing as she read it. It was just like the old times when Hermione wanted her to come to the Room of Requirement. She refused to let her eyes sting, even though they continued to anyway.

Draco's hand on her shoulder shook her out of the trance like state she had secured herself in and she waved him off. Pansy used her normal excuse about going to take a bath and he thought nothing of it, like she knew he would. He kissed her. He tasted minty. She couldn't wait to kiss Hermione again.

Pansy knew what Hermione wanted.

Hermione was going to apologize for everything, because that's what Hermione did, and then Pansy would have to give in to her. She had some sort of gravitational pull towards Hermione. She was proud that she had lasted this long without giving in the temptation of her warm embrace, but she could deny it no longer.

She was waiting on the bed when Pansy entered, as she suspected Hermione would be.

She looked tired and stricken.

"I'm sorry," Hermione whispered as Pansy sat down next to her. "I'm so, so sorry."

"I know. I had to though. Please understand." She curled her finger around a chestnut lock and watched it spring back as she let it go.

"I'm sorry." It seemed Hermione had a one track mind at the moment. Her shoulders racked with sobs.

Pansy pulled Hermione's face towards hers to silence her apologies and something inside of her sighed in content.

"I love you, but you need to get rid of Potter."

"As long as you stop following Ferret boy like a puppy."

"I'll see what I can do."

Even if it was just for a little while, Pansy let herself savour Hermione and she felt like she belonged.

_A/N: Sooo I couldn't keep them apart for long, it was too painful. Thanks for reading! Please review.  
Next chapter- Hermione tries to break things off with Harry. _


	7. Chapter 7

**7. YOU BELONG TO ME, I BELIEVE **

In the dark Hermione felt safe.

There the pain quietly consumed her and the tears poured without judgment. There Pansy wasn't around to push to get rid of Potter and Potter wasn't around to cloud her mind with foolish fantasies of happy homes.

She could wish for death in the dark and the dark welcomed her as an old best friend.

It knew of her secrets and shame and merely embraced the contrition as its own, never telling her what she should and shouldn't do, just accepting. Her only true friend, darkness. How incredibly sad.

Oh, how the pain hurt. It paralyzed.

This wasn't living. It couldn't be living.

God, her insides were torn to shreds. She couldn't fucking hate herself more if she tried; it couldn't be possible for a human being to hate themselves more than she hated herself. If any one person deserved to die as much it was Hermione.

Hermione tasted blood and released her swollen lip from her teeth. Fucking shit, she was deteriorating everywhere.

She wanted to die. It was like there was a weight on her chest just sitting there and it wouldn't let up.

The Gryffindor courage she was oh so famous for was nowhere to be found. So she sat in the darkness, silently reveling in her own excruciating pain, because there wasn't anything else she could do and it reminded her that she was still alive.

__

Her palms were sweaty. Her head hurt. Harry wouldn't shut his trap and listen to her for two seconds.

Breaking up with him seemed to be a much harder mission than she thought it would be.

They sat in the Common Room in front of the fire that next morning, where she had planned to tell Harry that things weren't working out between them and that they needed to just move on. The conversation wasn't going in her favour. Hermione's heart sank deeper as he talked of a life after Hogwarts that included her in it. She wished her plans could include him. She wished she _wanted_ her plans to include him.

He seemed to want her to pay attention to him. She didn't know if she could give that to him. She stared at the wall, _I don't love you_,_ I don't love you_ repeating over and over in her head. How awful. How horrible. What kind of terrible, evil person was she? She didn't deserve his time of day.

"Hermione? I was saying we'll get a flat close to the Weasley's so we'll never have to be too far away, because you know Mrs. Weasley will always want us over for dinner..."

Jesus Christ, there was that pain she was so familiar with. All this talk of flats and families. She couldn't see herself doing all that with him. It just didn't sound _right_. Well, just not right with Harry.

"Mm," she replied. What else what she supposed to say?

"And then once we get married and plan to have children we can move somewhere around where Luna's house is, you know. Or even build a little house of our own. Haha, can you picture that, 'Mione? Our own Burrow?"

Hermione thought she would throw up on the spot. And, ahem, when did he even _ask_ her if she wanted to marry him and have kids? When was this all just decided and thrown on her shoulders? Maybe she wanted to have fucking children with Pansy (not that he knew, however). They would be adopted, of course, but still. This was fucking bullshit.

"Harry, I really don't think now is the time for talking about children and such," She tried to laugh but it came out as more of a hysterical cry. "We haven't even graduated yet."

His face went to stone. "So... You're saying you don't want these things?"

Oh, what the Hell. "I never said that. I was just saying it's a little early to just throw these words around willy-nilly-"

"Willy-nilly? Hermione I want to marry you, these aren't just words for me. We're committed and I'm going to give you my soul for the rest of my life."

She squeaked.

The. Rest. Of. His. Life.

Souls.

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

She almost fell off of the couch. "Harry. You don't know what you're talking about."

"I do!" he knelt in front of her. "We're going to be so incredibly happy together. You'll see."

"Yeah," seemed to be all she could muster. "I-I've got to study."

She left him, stuttering, without a kiss or a hug.

Pansy would be so _proud_ of her! She sure made an effort of trying to leave him. Well, it was a better attempt than she had ever made before. Not good enough for Pansy though.

Time to face the music.

__

How Pansy never got caught smoking, Hermione never figured out. She did it everywhere- in the Slytherin Common Room, the Library, the bathrooms, the greenhouses, everywhere. And now she did it more openly and more carefree than before.

She looked amazingly beautiful leaning against a tree by the lake, slowly smoking a cigarette. Her hair was tucked behind her ears and she smiled at her through masked eyes. Hermione clutched the book she was carrying as she made her way down to her.

The look on her face must have given her away.

Pansy blew a puff of smoke away from Hermione's face and frowned. "You didn't do it, did you?"

"I, uh," the words escaped her.

"Well. Did you at least try?"

"I think so." Hermione's palms were so damn sweaty the book threatened to slip from her grasp.

"What did he say?"

Pansy threw the cigarette into the lake, ignoring Hermione's glare (the environment!), and started walking, beckoning her to come with her.

"Sort of begged. Made me feel bad." Hermione mumbled, looking around to see if anyone was there. Just a few younger students, none that would say anything about their little meeting.

"The whole marriage thing again?" she nodded and Pansy began laughing uncontrollably.

"Thanks."

"One day he'll crack, believe me." Pansy snuck a quick kiss.

And left.

Just like that.

Well.

That had gone well. Better than expected. Maybe she would just understand that those things took time. Pansy could be coming to terms with the fact that Hermione wasn't good lately with making big decisions. Or accomplishing anything really.

Fuck, why was the emptiness still there?

There was nothing she could do to make anyone happy.

Hermione could consider her options.

If she left Harry, he would be devastated, absolutely devastated, and it would hurt her more than she would like to admit to do it. If she broke everything off with Pansy-which she _didn't_ want to do-Pansy would hate her and Hermione was almost certain that both hearts would break in the process.

Either way everyone was bound to hurt.

But by keeping things this way, Hermione was the only one who suffered the most and that had to be for the best.

Either way the only solution to the problem, which was Hermione (she was sure of it), was death. And death was a very serious option. _But not an option that she wouldn't consider_.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N 1: So, I've finally finished this chapter (it was a pain in the ass to write). But, I'm happy with the way it came out. It's the longest chapter I've written._

_2: To the reviewer "anon"-- yep, you shouldn't like Hermione in this fic. I don't even like her. If you did like her, I'd question your mental state, for sure. If you really don't like it, don't read it. I write for the people who like my stuff. And amazingly, some people do._

_3: This chapter is for my wonderful, faithful reviewer AprilSayyys. She's been amazing through this whole process. _

_That said. On with the angst!_

**8. SINGLE-FILE **

Pansy awoke with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. What the feeling meant, she wasn't exactly sure, but the day probably wouldn't go well, she anticipated.

The dungeons were frozen and her body seemed to react badly to it that particular morning, so she wore extra layers.

Pansy picked out a red jumper to wear under her robes and a black thermal below that. She thought the red brought out a nice tone to her cheeks that green never did. Hermione always liked to see her in her house colours.

She trudged, Draco's arm linked with hers, to the Great Hall for breakfast and then to her classes against her will. If she had it her way, she would sneak back to her dorm and sleep the day away. No one would miss her, anyway.

When her Dark Mark burned during Potions and Snape's eyes snapped to hers simultaneously, her heart began to beat erratically. She looked over at Draco and Blaise, her eyes saying _what do we_ _do_? The Dark Lord knew that Snape was teaching and they couldn't get away from their studies.

No one moved.

So she was forced to sit there, the pain in her arm becoming incredible. She spilled her aconite, earning an annoyed look from Snape and a snicker from the Gryffindors in the room. Hermione's eyes were on her (she felt them) and Pansy knew if they didn't go to the Lord soon she would crack.

"Professor," she ground out, clutching on to the desk for support. "I think I need the loo."

"You'll stay here." Snape replied, not bothering to look up at her.

_Fuck_. "Sir, I don't think this can wait."

He slammed his fist down onto his desk, looking up at the started students. "Everyone out. Miss Parkinson, if you'd kindly stay behind."

Around her, everyone began shuffling and moving towards the door. Hermione's eyes met hers and she hung behind the rest.

"Out, Miss Granger."

Pansy grabbed Hermione's hand as discreetly as she could and whispered in her ear. "I love you."

"Be careful." Hermione murmured and left the classroom.

"Professor, I-"

"You obviously are stupid enough to show your affections in public, so why wouldn't you practically show your Mark off to the entire class. I should have guessed as much."

"I was going to apologize, but you rudely interrupted me." she sniffed, smoothing back her hair. Her role was so easy. "Are we leaving now?"

"Yes." Snape said brusquely, getting out of his chair.

She held on to his arm, and she was reminded of how much she hated Apparition.

They landed with a crack and Pansy felt her heart leap from her chest. Something felt entirely wrong. Why would Snape bring her if he knew there would be danger? Her head darted to find exists, but it was no use. The Death Eaters surrounded her, making it absolutely impossible for her to try to leave.

Ah, this was expected of course. Someone found out. Someone told the Dark Lord. She was most likely going to die. Well, at least she had told Hermione she loved her one last time.

She dropped to her knees and reached for him blindly. She vaguely heard _Crucio_ before she began screaming. Where it came from and from whom, she couldn't quite say. All she knew was that it bloody hurt more than anything she had ever felt before.

"Miss Parkinson, I have heard from many sources of your indiscretions," Lord Voldemort hissed as Pansy struggled to breathe under his gaze. She gasped for air against the pearly white ceramic tile while he circled her, and his Death Eaters watched with anxious, bright eyes. "I would think you would be more careful. Did you believe you would get away with this betrayal?"

Pansy fought against the pain in her spine, trying to get up, but was kicked back down again by his foot. She kissed around, mostly getting tile, trying to get his robes.

"The Mudblood, Miss Parkinson?" He accused softly, pulling her face to meet his.

"I loved you!" Draco cried and Lucius silenced him with the sharp wave of his hand.

"I believe I asked you a question." Voldemort said curtly, curling his fingers in her hair, making her cry out.

"I love her. But my loyalty is to you, it always has been." Pansy replied, loud enough for the rest of them to hear.

"Open your eyes child."

She hadn't even realized they were closed.

He entered her mind swiftly, attacking the happy memories she had of Hermione.

Of them lazing in the bathtub. Talking. Caressing. Every private moment.

Then, the bad.

Hermione telling her it was over because of the Mark. Hermione with Potter.

They hurt like Hell.

He finally released her mind but continued to stare into her eyes, as if trying to understand.

Pansy began to openly sob, her howls racking the high painted ceiling. Voldemort slowly dragged his thumbs down the side of her face. He was being absurdly human to her.

"You have not told her anything." He stated.

"She has never asked." She swallowed a sob and shook her head.

"Oh, my pet. The pain you must feel," He continued to stroke her face. "and I cannot even begin to fathom how the Mudblood must ache to know that every second she lusts for you she is betraying Harry Potter."

A sick smile rose on his face.

"She hurts more than we know." Pansy said quickly.

"Would she leave his side for you?"

She blinked. "Surely you're not asking me what I think you are."

"After what you've put me through and yet you're here before me, still alive, yes, I am asking you this." His red eyes glinted.

"She would rather die. She's against everything we stand for."

"Yet from what I saw she would die for you."

"For me, not for you."

He hissed, and then looked around the theater at the rest of the Death Eaters who had remained silent throughout the exchange.

The theater was at least fifty years old and abandoned, the newest place for the meetings since the Malfoy home had been raided by Aurors. It had a high, round ceiling that made each movement in the room more dramatic. Perfect for someone like Voldemort where drama was everything.

"What should we do about her?" he asked to no one in particular, waving his hand towards her.

Pansy looked around at the people she once thought as family, while they decided what her fate should be. The bloody bastards wouldn't even help her.

"Draco," his head whipped up as he realized he was being addressed. "Are you angry at Pansy for what she's done to you?"

Draco looked down at her and then back to Voldemort. "Yes. My Lord, if I had known that this was going on, believe me, I would have informed you immediately."

"Of course," Voldemort replied, the whole situation seeming to amuse him.

"Who?" Pansy asked softly.

"Rose Zeller."

"The Hufflepuff?" she scoffed.

"It seems anyone is willing to give information for small favors." Voldemort clasped his fingers and smiled at her.

"What could she possibly need from _you_?"

"The sparing of her parent's lives. Your betrayal was just a small price."

She had almost forgotten why she was being prosecuted. Voldemort hadn't killed her yet. This wasn't how she imagined things would play out.

"If you can get me to Potter through your little Mudblood girlfriend, things might be easier for you." Voldemort suddenly brought her back to her feet.

She swayed on the spot, looking into his eyes. "I'll need time, but I can do it."

"Excellent."

__

Hermione felt like a wounded puppy, following him around, and tagging behind him. He walked in front of her the entire time they were together, not bothering to look back to see if she was there. Her shoulders were permanently hunched and she had to bite her lip to keep from weeping, but she managed.

Before Ron had the chance to notice that something was going on between the two, Harry brought up the frequent dream Ron had been having.

"So, Ron, tell us about that dream," Harry snickered.

"They just come out of the walls!" Ron explained, as Hermione howled with laughter for the first time in forever it seemed.

"You know, Ron, they say you're always within eight feet of a spider."

"And you know how many you swallow at night in your lifetime? It's mad!"

"Ha ha, very funny guys." Ron mumbled and his eyes widened as Snape's cloaked figure stepped out in front of them.

"Miss Granger, a word if you will?" He said silkily, but his eyes betrayed him. Hermione wondered if the boys noticed it as she did.

And then it hit her.

Pansy.

Was she all right?

"I'll meet you guys in there in a minute," she gestured to the Great Hall and followed Snape towards the dungeons. Harry and Ron looked back with curious eyes.

"Please tell me she's alive." Hermione whispered as he pushed her furiously against the first wall he saw.

"I don't know what in Merlin's name you two thought you were doing, but it could have been all of our undoing! He used Legilimens, Miss Granger! If you had told her anything about my spying do you understand what would have happened?" His face was sallow and more hollowed than she ever had thought it could be.

"I never told her anything! It wasn't my place." She raised her chin to him.

"Why not?" Snape challenged.

"Because you're the spy, not me! If I had asked her for information then I would have had to give information, and you're the one who risks your life for us. Not me."

He roared. "Do you understand what you've started? He wants you now!"

"I will see him if it means saving her!"

"But what if it's more than just seeing him? What then? I pretended not to notice because I thought this travesty would end, but it hasn't so I'm making sure that it does now."

"Now, wait a minute! This is not your place! You are not my father, nor hers, and you are certainly not Voldemort and I refuse to be told who I can and cannot be with! I love her more than life itself and I will die for her if I have to!"

His eyes positively gleamed. "Is that why you're with Potter?"

"I am with Harry because he needs me."

"You think he needs you? He has more important things on his mind than stupid little know-it-alls. What would he say if he found out about your little _affair_?"

"I'm going to tell him once everything is over. Right now he needs to deal with Voldemort and I'm going to be there for him." She glared at him.

"I suppose you would like to see her?" Snape motioned to his classroom and she bit her lip.

Would Harry and Ron come looking for her if she was gone for too long?

Did it really matter?

"Yes, I'd love to."

Hermione followed him into what she guessed were his private storages. She took her time looking around, trying to memorize everything. This would probably be a once in a lifetime experience- she would at least enjoy it.

Pansy was lying on her side, eyes closed, on a makeshift bed Snape had made for her. It made her heart weak to see. She rushed over to her, running her hand through Pansy's hair.

"Pansy, are you all right?" Hermione said worriedly.

"I'm alive, babe." Pansy whispered.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't help you. What happened?" she held on to Pansy, hardly caring that Snape was there watching.

"Later." Pansy closed her eyes again and Hermione wanted to cry to tell her to open them, just so she would know that Pansy was alive still. But she kissed her gently and turned back to Snape.

"You just sat by and watched it happen?" Hermione accused.

"There was nothing I could do, Miss Granger. I suggest you go back to Potter and Weasley now." His eyes were cold.

She closed her eyes, shook her head, and made her way towards the door.

"You need to choose." Snape said dejectedly as she reached for the handle.

"I've already chosen. It's just putting that into effect."

Hermione nodded to him and began the death march to the Great Hall. Putting up a shell this time, she found, was not hard at all.


	9. Chapter 9

**9. ANGER**

She watched the sun illuminate her room slowly, signifying that it was, in fact, a new day, though she didn't want to accept it. Her eyes ached- had she been crying again? She held back a bitter laugh. If the tears had come, she'd been too numb to even notice.

She let her eyes close and Pansy's face was brought front and center. Her heart clenched. Closing her eyes had proven to be a bad idea.

The ceiling was lit a light blue as she stared up at it, still dark in the corners. For a brief moment of lost sanity, she was jealous of the job that the ceiling had. All it had to do was keep the walls up. And then it hit her.

Wasn't that what she was best at? Putting up her shell so that everything would stay together, so that her life wouldn't fall apart?

So maybe she wouldn't want to be the ceiling. But being any other inanimate object sounded like quite a wonderful life.

Hermione closed her eyes again and felt a surge of self-hatred flow through her. At least she could feel something now. She pinched her arm- yes she was definitely still alive.

Her watch said it was 5:48 a.m. and she groaned. Soon she would have to leave the sanctity of her bed and face Harry. His hurt eyes, full of loyalty and love for her that was not returned.

The heart she traced on her arm reminded her of what had to be done. Hermione's plan was going to be hard enough to carry out without Harry and Ron keeping their full attention on her every second of the day. Would Professor Snape even be willing to help her do this? It would destroy the two people that mattered most to her, but in the end it would save them both.

The girl that she claimed to love had been put in the ultimate danger because of Hermione's selfishness and inability to make any decisions anymore. The guilt was overpowering and overbearing on her soul. Another wave of pain.

Pansy tried to get ahold of her any time she could, tried to make eye contact with her whenever they were in the same room together. Hermione knew that she needed to get Pansy angry, needed to get Pansy to hate her so that this whole ordeal would be easier to deal with. Anger was the only way that Pansy and Harry would get through this. She had to make them hate.

Hermione put on her pants and pulled her favorite jumper over her head, sighing, knowing she went through another night without sleeping. Her plan would not let her sleep, however, and she left her room to go wake up Professor Snape. Her plan needed to be put into action as soon as possible.

Pansy awoke to the sound of coughing. Her sheets were rough against her skin and she tried to find a comfortable position so she could go back to sleep. As she made to move again her leg hit something hard and her eyes flew open. She was in Draco's bed. She tried to think of reasons why she would be there and was at a loss for words. Condemning her to death? Yes. Comforting her in his bed? No.

She looked to her left to see Draco staring at her with wide eyes.

"I thought you had died." He stated dumbly.

"Well obviously I didn't." She couldn't help but roll her eyes. "Why am I here?"

"I was told by Snape to keep you safe."

"I wouldn't have been safe in my own bed?"

"Our Lord gave you a particularly hard time yesterday."

She looked around the familiar room, wondering how she would be able to leave without him stopping her.

"Why?" Pansy turned around to see Draco looking down at her through his thick, blond lashes, the pain evident in his steel grey eyes.

"Why, what?" she asked, averting her own.

"Don't play dumb, Pans. I've known you forever." She hadn't realized before how tired he looked. "Why the Mudblood?"

Her anger flared at his choice of words, but she quickly pushed it down. What the hell could she say to him?

Pansy looked around, found cigarettes on his nightstand and helped herself to one, savoring the menthol that explored her mouth and throat.

"Are you really going to let him kill Granger?" She figured he didn't have the courage to look at her while he asked this.

"What would you do if you were in my situation?" Pansy asked back, letting the smoke flow out of her mouth slowly.

"I'm in love with you." Draco stated dejectedly.

She stared. "No, you aren't. You can't possibly after this."

"I do." He said quietly, putting his arms behind his head and resting on them.

Hermione's eyes wouldn't stay open. Her eyelids felt like weights and every time she squinted to see the words better on the page of the book she was studying she felt tears trickle down her cheeks.

Professor Snape had been less than thrilled when she stormed to his chambers and attempted to wake him up.

He had watched her as she told him her plan with cold eyes, narrowing every so often to think.

"_You're a stupid, insolent little girl." _

"_I've not claiming to be any more than that, sir."_

"_As your teacher, I can't willingly and knowingly help you with this." His eyes turned soft for a moment and then they slid shut. "Dumbledore would kill me."_

"_Honestly, I could care less about what he would have to say about it. He hasn't been my favorite person lately." _

"_You've thought about this?" he sneered, his demeanor changing again._

"_I've been up for the past week thinking about it! Everything. I plan and I perfect and I know exactly what needs to be done and when." She rambled on, raking her hands through her hair, exasperated at his lack of trust in her. How odd that she would feel that way._

"_Miss Granger, I don't know if you understand the severity of what you have planned. What if Potter reacts a different way? You seem to be the only person that is able to keep him together."_

"_I can't just be the person that everyone leans on and expects to make things better all the time. I just can't be that person because I'm not." Hermione looked at him, pleading with him to understand and cooperate. "They'll both realize that it was for the better after everything is all over." _

"_How do you plan on accomplishing this then if I will not help?" Professor Snape replied, ignoring the desperation in her voice._

_She sighed. "Pansy. The next time that you all have to leave I'll somehow follow her or hold on to her while you disapparate. Something." She added lamely. _

"_I'll come right out and say it, Miss Granger- I want you to consider other options." Snape looked as though he was in a great deal of pain. "I have a feeling Potter won't do anything the way you want him to. You may cause more trouble than it will be worth." _

_Hermione felt her eyes prick as he voiced a concern that was tugging on the back of her mind._

"_It's the only choice I have. I can't live in this hell anymore."_

"_Selfish. You certainly have changed." _

"_I believe that it was your Slytherin's fault. I think I used to be a very nice girl in another lifetime." Hermione gave him a sad smile and began to walk towards the door._

"_Just a moment." _

_She looked back and watched him walk over to the potions cabinet. He grabbed a small blue vial and strode over to her quickly. _

"_Get some sleep, Miss Granger. I'll excuse you from all your classes today." _

_She had the sudden urge to hug him, but then thought better of it. Maybe before her plan went into action she would thank him and be able to hug him. He really wasn't as horrible as he made himself out to be._

Professor Snape had told her to get some sleep and she recognized the bottle that he gave her as Dreamless Sleep Potion. He was right though- she did need sleep and her body was trying to tell her desperately.

Hermione uncorked the vial and quickly drank the liquid, laying back into her pillows and laying her book down next to her. As soon as she woke up she would confront Harry and then Pansy.

The Dark Mark was disgusting. Everything it stood for was putrid and vile to her.

The fact that it was stained to her arm for the rest of her life made her sick. She found herself consistently picking at it over and over again, as if hoping that she could scratch away the filth.

Pansy realized her stress was causing her to smoke in excessive quantities anywhere and everywhere she could get her hands on them. She knew she smelled like a chimney, but she could hardly muster up the strength to give a shit. It's not like she had to smell nice for anyone.

_Hermione_, her brain whispered to her.

The wind by the lake had picked up considerably, making it hard to even smoke out there to begin with. Her eyes were constantly filled with tears and the smoke filling her nose made her want to vomit, but something would not let her leave the spot where she had met with Hermione so long ago.

It had been two weeks since she had heard anything from her Gryffindor. Two long, horrid weeks that had given her time to overthink every move she made. It was beginning to drive her insane. The more Hermione ignored her the more frustrated and furious she became with the bookworm.

Pansy looked up to see Draco walking towards her, shaking a new pack of cigarettes. She reached into her cloak and realized that he was bringing her what she didn't even know she needed yet.

Did he really care about her?

What was that odd tightening happening in her chest as she looked him up and down?

Draco walked as though he was the richest man alive and kept a look on his face that said he would kill you without a thought.

But, looking past that, Pansy could see the scared boy that was kept beneath this shell that his father had created for him. She cared for that boy. The boy she had known since she was born. If they could make it out of this war alive, he was what was right for her.

"How did you know I was down here?" Pansy asked him softly as he sat himself next to her on the grass, kissing the back of her hand while laying the cigarettes on her lap.

"I had a hunch," the blond man said simply, smiling at her.

Pansy's breath hitched in her throat.

He was beautiful.

She slowly leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Her heart swelled immensely as she watched Draco's face turn a slight shade of pink.

Maybe she could get used to this.

A/N: I'm back after a long, long time! There will only be a few chapters after this, and they hopefully won't be as far apart this time. What the hell is Hermione Granger up to? :]


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